Along with being a femdom-loving clip creator with a fan site and deep enjoyment of creating custom content, I’m human. I need rest, even when push myself to limits and beyond for my versions of perfection. And, as a human, I have to deal with the consequences of that.
When I first started as a sex worker, I was consumed with the idea of doing everything under the sun at once in order to succeed. Working in moderation did not exist to me and I rarely spent a moment to relax.
If I wasn’t posting or filming, I was sleeping. Nothing else.
Pushing myself to film 5 days a week, posting on my fan site daily and tweeting multiple times a day took a toll on my body and psyche. I was genuinely terrified that I would make zero sales and fall off as a clip creator and fan site owner when I wasn’t posting constantly.
At one point I hated everything and everyone and I questioned why I had to suffer so much to do something I enjoyed.
I was so tired. Sleeping felt empty. All I could think of for a while was filming, editing, posting and queuing content. It was not healthy nor was it fun.
Something in me snapped and I realized that labor was a nuisance and we should not have to suffer at all. I needed a break. Not just a day or even a few days. I needed time to not only rest my body but also to reconfigure how I would navigate this job.
In late November to a few days ago, I forced myself to take a break from filming, constantly posting on social media and constantly posting on my fan site. I already had content queued daily for a month and I have clips queued out through summer 2021.
After I came back, I felt a little bad since I didn’t have daily posts on my fan site. However, I had remembered that the reason I love sex work was because I love doing things that make ME feel sexy. The content I post is hot and I have hundreds of posts for people to enjoy even if I don’t post daily.
I figured that if I wasn’t as active, I’d fall off the face of the digital earth and have to start all over again in terms of sales and engagement.
Coincidently, I made a LOT of sales in the past month and new customers found me. I got multiple new subs on my fan site and I had been seeing regular tips coming in. That opened my eyes. I realized that I did not have to lose myself in order to find my spot in the sex work world.
Unfortunately, capitalism has instilled in our mind that if we are not busting our asses to the bone, then we aren’t existing well enough and are worth nothing. Hustle culture has us believing that we are not deserving of a break. Of rest. Of a moment’s peace.
I realized that doing all this work to the point of constant exhaustion defeated the purpose of why I started sex work- I do sex work because I love being sexy, I love being a domme and I love being appreciated in material ways. I’d prefer capitalism be eradicated completely, but until then I would like to be able to sleep without worrying about whether customers are going to drop like flies because I needed a break.
I spent time meditating, journaling, reading, catching up on my soaps, finding new movie genres to enjoy. I’ve become a great seafood cook and I’ve fallen in love with new musical groups.
I felt so guilty every single day I was not filming 10+ clips in the day or queuing multiple weeks out for my fan site. The guilt is still present even now but it is not as heavy on my shoulders as it was prior to the break.
I feel refreshed, new, and during the break my mind was open to a bunch of ideas that I’ll get to use in future content!
I probably won’t do such a long break for a while, but I will definitely be taking more days off to enjoy myself and reflect on content to ensure I improve with every new piece of content I release.
I made a promise to myself to be kinder to myself in 2021 and beyond and I intend to keep it.
If YOU need a break, here’s hot content to enjoy your day off with:
AVN Stars
Clips4Sale
IWantClips
ManyVids
Niteflirt